So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
