I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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