there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
