Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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