We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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