since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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