She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
