Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
