Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
