if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
