if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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