just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
