you guys were way drunker than both of me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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