My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
