i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
