i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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