Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
