Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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