Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
