About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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