new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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