Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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