Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
