He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
