i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
