Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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