youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
