she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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