I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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