I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's blow job season.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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