Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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