Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
