So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Terrible idea I love it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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