After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so let's talk penis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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