5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want nice things and good sex
40s are totally the cure
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
