We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
