apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
