i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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