Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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