she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
