I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
