there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
