I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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