i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
