he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
