I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
