Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
