I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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