I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
