Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
