Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
