also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
