Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
