Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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