your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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