The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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