is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
