im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
