I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
