I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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