Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
