They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
