I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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