I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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