and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
