I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just threw up on my dentist
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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