It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
