it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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