She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
