Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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