i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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