How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
