Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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