Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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