I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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