I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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