Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
