Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
