god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
