I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
